April is not the best month for our family. In 2001, Raime was stillborn in April. Then in 2007, it was Connor.
On April 11th, 2007 I went in for my 24 week appointment with the MFM only to find out that Connor had no heartbeat. Looking back, I hadn’t felt him move in a couple days- but I’d been extra busy that week. The kids were on spring break, so the six of us (Aaron was deployed) were out and about doing fun stuff and just on the go all the time.
With Aaron gone, I had no idea what to do. The MFM wanted me to go over to the Naval Hospital directly, but instead I called Aaron’s friend and went home to wait for him to meet me there and grab the girls. My appointment was the morning after the big boys went back to school so they were back at their dad’s.
I went to the Naval Hospital where they decided that I needed a D&E. My baby was 24 weeks! I wanted to see him, hold him, say goodbye. They weren’t comfortable with me laboring because of my vertical incision from Elora, and they wouldn’t do a c-section on me for several reasons. Instead, they transferred me by ambulance to the hospital in Bigger-Than-TaterTown Ville.
Meanwhile, Aaron’s friend was working the military system the way only another Marine can do and getting Aaron on a flight home. They started my induction, and just like all my labors, it went fairly quickly. Connor was born on the 12th, in the sac- just like Raime. Since Aaron was coming from Africa, he didn’t make it in time. I delivered with just the nurses and a doula they’d called for me.
The doula was amazing. She totally helped me through it all, and I don’t know what I’d have done without her, since aside from her, I was alone. But then she left a few hours after he was born, and I was alone in a room, no baby, no husband… with just my thoughts. I spent my time texting my LiveJournal, because I’d get the replies via email and I could also check them on my phone. It helped me to feel connected to others right then.
The next evening, I was released and Aaron made it home- at just about the same time. We were able to meet up at the house, and oh it was so good to see him after the deployment! The girls of course were ecstatic to see him as well.
My sweet tiny mad faced baby boy. His short life seems so surreal. I feel like he was mine. The other kids, they are ours, but I found out I was pregnant with Connor just days after Aaron deployed, and he died and was born before Aaron got home. Aaron never got to feel him kick, go to the appointments, etc. It was just me, my own private baby. Sometimes I wonder if I imagined him.
*big hugs*
I have so many tears as I just read this. That is a beautiful picture of you and Connor. I never knew that story. Thank you for sharing it. I am happy you got Connor’s footprints and handprints. That right there shows how real he was. Thinking of you! xo
I can’t even imagine the pain of losing a child. You are a strong woman. ((hugs))
Beautiful…and heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing.
Of course you didn’t imagine him, the proof is right there in those uber teensy footprints and handprints and the photo!! HUGS to you my friend—it’s so hard, these anniversary days….My <3 to yours!!
Lots of hugs to you. Thinking about you…
xoxo
I’m sorry so that you even have to write a post like this, heartbreaking is an understatement. I don’t know how you did it without Aaron being there, you ARE strong (and I know you don’t like when people say that but I’m saying it anyway!!) *Hugs*
I’m so very sorry. I can’t imagine this pain. It brings tears to my eyes just reading this.
Thanks for sharing that story.. *hugs*
I am so sorry for your losses. I can’t imagine what it would be like. Thank you for sharing your story and for sharing your family in your blog. I always look forward to visiting. My thoughts are with you today.
Sweet baby boy, sweet momma. I’m sorry he’s not still with you.
That picture is so sweet and so heartbreaking. I have tears in my eyes. I’m giving up big hugs to you too!
Oh my goodness. Bless your heart. I can’t imagine how painful that must have been. Such a strong woman to have been through all that.
So sorry!! Hugs
(((HUGS))) I’m glad your husband was able to come home in a timely manner. Sometimes the military really does pull through when we need them to.