I won’t be busting your door down anytime soon.

I am most clumsy and awkward when pregnant.  I could tell you many stories of various injuries I sustained during my gazillion pregnancies, like the time I broke my tailbone leaping over the baby gate trying to beat the cat for pooping NOT in the litter box when I was 8  months pregnant.  There’s no proof of said injury, because they refuse to xray a pregnant woman for an break they can’t do anything about.  But I swear, if it wasn’t broken, then I don’t ever want to break anything.

But I think my most awkward moment was when I went all Charlie’s Angel on the bathroom door.  Granted, I didn’t end up injured, but I seriously could have, looking back.

I was quite pregnant with Mia, so Lili was all of two years old.  The boys were at school, so it was just me and Lili at home during the day.  We were in the process of transitioning Lili from her crib to a bed so that Mia could use the crib, and it was nap time.  Being a brazillion months pregnant, I chose to nap once Lili went to sleep.  Oh, who am I kidding?  Even not pregnant I’d have chosen to nap…

I was awakened to the sounds of water running and Lili calling for me.  Apparently, Lili woke up before me, and decided she needed a bath.  She also decided she needed privacy and locked the bathroom door.  Her little two year old voice was yelling out to me “MOMMY HOT HOT HOT!” as I frantically tried to get the door open.  I told her to stop touching the hot water and I’d get her out, but as hard as I tried,  I could not pop the lock.  People make it look so easy- it’s one of those doorknobs with the little hole- and I tried poking everything and anything that would fit in there.

Her cries were getting desperate, and so was I.  Determined to save my baby girl, I decided I’d kick the door in.   It didn’t even budge.  Since our bathroom is at the end of the hallway, I figured I’d use the momentum from speed to knock down the door.  I backed up all the way down the hall and ran at it full speed, and kicked, just like they do in the movies- only I was 8 months pregnant and in my pajamas still.  I’m pretty sure that’s why it didn’t work- they are all wearing leather catsuits and high heels.  I’m sure if I’d taken the time to don the appropriate outfit I would have been successful.

Finally I realized I needed help and ran next door and grabbed our neighbor.  He had the lock picked in seconds.  I scooped Lili out of the tub (who also was still in her pajamas) and she was totally fine.  My visions of scalding water flowing over the sides and flooding my bathroom while my daughter drowned in the tub were for nothing, since she didn’t know how to plug the drain.  The water was hot, but not burn yourself hot.

I had Aaron disable the locks on the bathroom door when he got home from work.

Sometimes, looking back, I wish I had a video of me trying to kick the door down- it had to be a hilarious sight.  Instead, this re-creation will have to do.

Comments

  1. 1

    BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  2. 2

    I seriously just laughed so hard I was almost in tears!

  3. 3

    Oh my word I have been laughing so hard! Such a visual!

  4. 4

    Ok this was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!! This is my first time on your blog too, omg, keep it up! You rock ma!

    Found ya from SITS!

  5. 5

    I would have completely freaked out too. Awesome story… very funny, acutally. 😉

  6. 6

    lol…ok, the story was great but the illustration topped it off! A great blog!!

  7. 7

    Hilarious! Thanks to @babymakingmama for leading me to your blog 🙂

  8. 8

    If you ever visit my house, you won’t ask me why the bathroom door has a hole in it then. 😀

  9. 9
    christine seipp says:

    holy guacamole!! that was freaking hilarious!! I could just picture you doing this!!! Congrats on being the badassiest pregnant woman!!

  10. 10

    Holy crap – that’s scary. And since it all turned out fine – hilarious!!! (The breaking the door down bits, not daughter locked in the bathroom playing in the tub bits. This is why we still put a baby gate on our bathroom at night and nap time. My boys are just as adventurous. That gate will probably be there when they head to college.

  11. 11

    That’s quite the story!!! and the picture is perfect.

  12. 12

    Oh. my. goodness. LOL Thanks for the laugh. It sounds like something I’d have happen to me.

  13. 13

    That is hilarious! I’m sure it was completely scary at the time, but hilarious, now! Thanks for sharing your blog. Love your stories and adventures!

  14. 14

    Love the sketch! Sooo funny.

  15. 15

    This will be a great story to tell them all when the are older. And you are right, I am sure it is b/c you didn’t put on the right outfit first. 🙂
    Happy SITS day!

  16. 16

    Wow, all I can say is clever girl. The Babby is nearly 2 and a half and has yet to figure out doorknobs or how to turn on the tub (not that we’ve shown her either trick).

  17. 17

    Hilarious! Your kids sure do keep you on your toes!
    Brandi Elam recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Green Beans

Trackbacks

  1. […] Jayme is hereby awarded Badassiest Pregnant Woman! She expanded on her comment with her own blog post, and let me be frank: You need to read it. Because it cracks me up. And if you’re not sure, […]

  2. […] kicking the bathroom door down- I didn’t succeed at that. […]