When I was in the deepest depths of grief, reading blogs written by those who had been there- and survived- was my salvation. Knowing that others had been there and gotten through it helped me feel less alone. Seeing others feel and think like I was made a huge impact on me.
It’s also why after years of blogging privately that I decided I needed to go public. If there is the teeniest chance that my words will reach someone who needs to read them, then I need to do it.
Losing a baby is a lonely thing. All too often family and friends don’t want to talk about it, yet that is many times what a grieving mother needs to do most. People are afraid to mention your baby’s name, afraid it will make you cry- when really you cry because you feel no one remembers your child but you.
But then, you discover this community online. It’s a huge network of women who have all lost a baby, and they all understand you. They are happy to discuss your baby by name. They remember your child on important dates and are quick to make sure you are alright instead of pretending those days aren’t full of bittersweet memories for you.
Within this secret dead baby society, the memories of my children live on. I can speak of them as often as I want without being encouraged to get over it and concentrate on my living kids. This group is a sisterhood, and within it I am not alone.
It makes me sick to my stomach to know that someone else has joined this club, this group in which no one ever wants to be a member. I know I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
One would assume that with my many years of living as a parent who has lost a baby, I’d know exactly what to say to a friend who is just beginning the journey of grief. Yet I can’t seem to find that magic phrase to properly convey my support. I know that there are no words.
I’m so sorry.