I was talking to an acquaintance recently, who has two small children. Her youngest is about a year, and the older child is 4. They are three typical kids- with no behavioral issues or delays. For the most part, they’re good, although the older child is learning walk all over her and she kind of lets him run the show. But that’s another entire issue…
She won’t go anywhere with them, without another adult.
I totally understand it’s easier to shop, run errands, whatever, when you have someone else helping you tag team the kids. I really get it. But she refuses!
The other day she told me how she was brave and met a friend and her kids at the playground- and didn’t drag her mother in law along with her. For the first time since the baby was born. The baby is a year old! I couldn’t believe it and started discussing it with her.
She always leaves the kids with her husband, mother, or mother in law when she goes grocery shopping, or runs errands. She never brings the kids to restaurants, just in case they misbehave. If she needs to run to the store for milk or something, she’ll instead ask for someone to drop it off.
I know it’s easier not to load up little kids to run out, but what if no one could come with her, or do it for her? She says she’s postponed doctor’s appointments because she had no one to go with her.
I can’t imagine relying on others to that extent. Not only do we not have family nearby to even make that possible, but what about when Aaron has duty, or worse- deploys? He left when the twins were not even four months old and of course it sucked and we missed him, but we made it work- and I didn’t stay holed up at home the whole time. We went out to dinner- yes, I was the only adult with four kids- grocery shopped, and did everything that needed to be done.
I feel that if you have kids, you need to be able to take care of them, and if you can’t bring your two kids to the post office to drop off a package, that might be a problem. I understand not all kids have the ability to behave the way we’d like them to- but in this case, that isn’t the problem.
Do you agree with me? Or do you agree with the reasoning of my acquaintance who claims I am only able to deal with my kids alone because I have no choice with Aaron being military?
So basically she’d saying that only military moms can take their kids grocery shopping alone? This girl needs to step up and be an adult and act like a parent not a baby-sitter…
I am a Navy wife so I FEEL YA!!!
I have 6 1/2 year old twins with special needs. Both have ADHD and one also has more severe special needs to add to that.
I have been raising my kids alone. Hubby has gone with us maybe 20 times since the boys were born almost 7 years ago.
So I am always the only adult with them… and we do FINE.
Yes I too have this kind of friends… women who cannot handle two children (my mom and mother in law included!!) and I often wonder if I am some sort of Wonderwoman lol
Yes they do misbehave occassionally but I don’t ever recall them being TOO bad lol
People are strange I guess
or spoiled…. wish I had someone deliver my milk because I couldn’t go out… ha!
Wow… She can say the military has shaped you. That’s fine because it has probably pushed you a little more but it’s time to push herself! She’s letting parenthood, her children and her fears control her. That is not healthy.
I have twins as well but only twins and I had 2 rules when I became a parent. 1. to put the boys needs ahead of my own and do what’s best for them. 2. to not isolate myself due to fear of what other’s think. I have mischevious twins who feed off of eachother and were preemie and carted around to doctors appointments etc. so I found it important to reward them by going out for dinner (with help) or take them to the park as much as possible, early years center, groceries, etc. I had people to help in the begining but only to learn how to do it on my own. She needs to get over her issues and if that means calling herself “brave” then that’s what she should do but if she’s “brave” then your a HERO! 4 kids I cant imagine!! 2 is a crazy adventure but i’m sure with 4 is twice the entertainment. Also how are her children supposed to learn social skills if they are never put in a social situations….. sad….
Times have changed,
When my children were little all you seen in stores were parents with kids, mom and baby and so forth. I would go shopping with a double seat carriage and two kids under 3 but I did it and taught my kids about responsibilty and respect in a store. It wasn’t easy but after a while my daughter would say to my son, “Remember Eric hold the carriage handle we don’t play in the store.” This happened because one time my son decided to take a temper tantrum and throw things and my answer to that was pick them both up apologize to the cashier and left my cart there. We got home with no groceries and they had pb&j sandwiches and a glass of water for lunch. It never happened again.
Now days it seems some can’t do anything without support for their kids. Instead of teaching them how to act in places they rely on others to babysit, or come with them. It makes me wonder why so many young kids run terror in stores.
Yeah, I agree. Stop being a big wuss and take them out yourself. Your comment on how the 4 year old runs the show tells a lot. Maybe if she was more in control of that one, she could take them both out.
I totally agree with this, and don’t even have kids yet (but I do teach 2nd grade, so there’s some experience in a different light).
This is just concerning, all over.
Plus if you don’t try, how do you know it won’t work?!?!
SMH.
my SIL is that way! She had to have my MIL go with her to the grocery store when she had ONE baby! It pisses me off so bad. They now have three and my MIL seems to be a full time Nanny in their house. Not really, but it is like she is on call to them 24/7. My SIL can not handle any blood although she has three kids, so she calls my MIL who lives 25 minutes away. UGH! I am going to stop now or this is going to turn not so nice lol.
Maybe I’m being terribly rude, but the first thought that popped in my head was *lazy*. I have 3 kids (10 years, 4 years, and 8 months) and I pretty much would never inconvenience my MIL or Mom for me to get random errands done like that. I could see a mom might need help at say an amusement park or water park but the grocery store? Really? I think your friend needs to step up and get her hands dirty in regards to all the not so pretty parts of motherhood.
Yeah, my husband is not military, but works long hours. If I didn’t take the kids out, we wouldn’t have anything. Do I want to bring the kids out today? No, but if I don’t then they’ll complain at dinner that they have no milk, and I’d rather brave a store than listen to complaints all night.
I remember back when we were a one car family and I had to rely on other people to help with my errands and it drove me absolutely nuts.
Wow! My husband works 70 hours a week and I work too. No family nearby. How is her kids learning life skills?
I’m with Hillary, it’s lazy. I have 6 kids. We are not in the military. I have done anything and everything by myself. My husband works long and hard to support us. If I didn’t do things with the kids alone I would have NEVER left the house. It does get easier as they get older but she shocks me. I’m trying to think who in my circle of family or friends would have ever supported me in that way. Especially cancelling a doctor appointment! WOW !
I disagree with your acquaintance…you take your kids places by yourself because you are their parent. It has nothing to do with the military giving you no choice. I’m sure you are much more self-reliant than some of us because you have become accustomed to being a single parent at times. But I don’t think you have to be military to learn how to take your kids out in public.
Honestly, it’s EASIER for me to take my 4 kids out by myself than it is to take them out with another adult, like my sister or mother-in-law. They get overexcited when there’s another adult they love there and they show out and end up driving me crazy. It makes the trip to the store or wherever more difficult. I also would never drag another adult (besides my husband) along with me to the doctor’s office. I hate going to the doctor so I just wouldn’t put someone else through that.
I do know people like her…people who say they can’t go here or there without help. I have had friends say things like this and it always strikes me as lazy. They are in for a rude awakening one day!
I totally agree with you. I did leave my kids with their other parent when I went to the store ,but other than that you teach them to behave in public. Its not that hard. We had 7 little ducks in a row when we HAD to go somewhere and nobody stepped out of line, or ran off screaming, or God forbid acted out in a restaurant. I think it’s because we pretty much expected the same behavior at home so it wasn’t an option anywhere else.
If that was the case here we’d never get to go anywhere! I can’t imagine all the places my kids would miss out on if I had to have another adult come all the time. Yes, if you have waited until the youngest is one it might seem impossible, but it isn’t. I started when the youngest was very young – heck, they sleep most of the time that way. I’d take my then 19 month old to the library, and if the baby woke, I’d take him out of the carseat, hold him, nurse him, whatever, while she had her story time. We went to the park, McDonald’s and the grocery store. And guess what? Now that they are both older, it is no big deal. Yes, sometimes it’s a pain to have to take 2 kids out of carseats and it is nice to run errands alone sometimes, but necessary to have another person? Nope.
Wow! Just WOW! Sounds like she needs to grow up and be a parent. She is acting like child herself by needing help to do the simplest of things. I just had a night away from one of my kids for the first time in a year! I even took both kids to my chemo treatment ALONE and this chick can’t even go to the store? Unbelievable!
I disagree with the aquaintane. Kids need to be taken out in public to learn how to. Ehave in public. People used to look at me like I was nuts for taking three kids 2 and under out by myself from my third floor walkup apartment. Sure it was am adjustment but I got it figured out.
I agree with you 100%!!! There is no way I could rely on someone else to help me with my kids… if I did, we’d starve because there would be no food in the house lol. I have a family member who is the same way, she expects others to watch her ONE child while she shops, does household chores (cleaning laundry) and pretty much everything else too – oh and their kid is sick? Yup, lets have someone else take her to spread the germs around because they don’t want to deal with a sick kid. Then she expects others to watch her one child because being a mom is SO super stressful that she needs “me” time to go have coffee with friends and get her hair and nails done. Seriously! She hardly ever has her child! I used to take their daughter because I felt bad for her, but I’ve stopped recently and while we miss having her here… I am so glad I don’t have to deal with her parents. My husband works long and crazy hours (some weeks he works and then is on call at all times so he’s hardly home), Sure its stressful and no, my kids don’t always behave while out but I manage play dates, dinners out, doctor appointments, shopping, cleaning my house, the older kids school stuff, soccer.. and on and on – you know the usual mom & wife stuff, on my own a lot of the time… for 2 years I usually had an extra kid with us too (theirs!). And I can’t remember the last time I met friends for lunch or a drink or had my hair and nails done without my kids. Sure I miss having some me time once in a while but I can’t imagine not doing these things with my kids either.
My daughter has epilepsy and had a bad night last night, I had to run out to get a few things from Home Depot for a walkway project we are doing (hubby is working this weekend), my mom was here anyway… but I still felt bad asking her to stay a bit longer with my daughter while I ran out! And I will took the other kids with me (and my nephew haha.. he was my muscle lol).
I was that lady!!!
My twins scared the ___ out of me for the first year and I also didn’t go anywhere without a second pair of hands.
well, you know, if it is working for her, than I say ‘let it lie’… i mean, in a sense she is very lucky to have someone willing to help like that, so why knock it? I imagine that she will feel stifled soon enough, and so will change how she lives a bit. Isn’t it nice that she thinks the rest of us so brave? I’ll take that compliment!
Oh I’d never say anything to her about it, it’s not my place. I do hope she figures something out soon, before her older kid gets out of hand- like I said he’s already starting to walk all over her and I don’t need my kids to be influenced by that!
Certainly it’s easier to run to the grocery store when my girls are in bed, but I think I’m teaching them valuable lessons by taking them places. They have to learn to walk through the store without touching things…they have to learn to wait patiently at the doctor’s office…they have to learn to sit in chairs and wait for our food at a restaurant. It’s not the path of least resistance, but I think it’s an important one.
I’m certainly not the most “throw caution to the wind”-kinda mama (I’ll admit I only took the girls to the park by myself a month or so ago, and they’re three!)…but I cannot imagine feeling so paralyzed by my kiddos. Among other things, I’d go NUTS!!!!!!
I agree with you–it’s a bit ridiculous. I understand at first being intimidated being alone with a kid (or multiple) but how will her kids learn? Kids will freak and as parents you have to teach them what is appropriate!
Jayme, I had four kids. Let’s say the oldest was 9, then there was a 6, 2 and baby. I went everywhere with them. I even on rare occasion, took them to the dr with me. Fast forward a few years, the oldest is now 23, then the next is 20, then a 16, and a 14 year old. But wait! I have also added a 5 and 3 year old to that mix. I, now, am the Mom who doesn’t want to take the littles shopping with me. I have a child who has developmental disabilities. He tends to melt down in public situations…unless it’s food related, but not always. He and his younger brother fight/bicker constantly! The younger one is very verbal, so we have his non-stop chitter going on. I used to be able to go to the store and have my kids follow me and get it all done without any real trouble. Now I’m lucky if I can keep my mind focused on the task at hand. They drive me slightly batty while shopping. Bribes don’t work with these two either. Believe me, I try. The 5 year old doesn’t comprehend, and the three year old had figured out that he can work the system for more treats…depending on how long we’ve been in the store. Add to the drama, that I have to shop on Saturday, and well, you have a potential nightmare on your hands. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids dearly! I would just like to go grocery shopping without them. But, as a mom of six, I know that if I don’t keep taking them to these places of potential melt-downs, they will never learn how to behave in public or anywhere else for that matter.
Definitely agree with you. I can’t imagine not going anywhere with 2 kids! I mean I take 3 of them all over the place by myself and have since about the 6 week mark after my c-section! I had a year of maternity leave and would have gone insane otherwise! Do I prefer to do things without them tagging a long, hell ya! But it doesn’t always work out that way!
I agree with you I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that she doesn’t go anywhere alone with all three of them! My Mom has seven and we were always going places with just her!
I myself only have one LC but I take him and my two youngest siblings out alone all the time. There ages are 5, 4 and 2. It’s really not that big of a deal! She needs to grow up.
So…..my first thought after reading this is…..I wonder if she has some sort of social anxiety/phobia if she won’t ever go somewhere w/o another adult….that seems strange to me.
She may need meds.