All at Once

Do you ever notice how crappy things happen all at once?  I know they say bad things happen in threes, but I’m not counting any longer.  I am generally a pretty optimistic person, and for the most part happy, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed.  I do believe it started with our van- about two weeks ago it just stopped.  We knew we were on borrowed time with it, but it still stinks to have to deal with replacing it.  I’d liked not having a car payment! Of course with Aaron’s crazy work hours, we haven’t had a chance to even start the car shopping process, which leads to me driving to the station at all hours of the night to either drop him off or pick him up so I can have the car while he’s gone.

Then last week I had a conference with Dylan’s teacher.  He’s so bright but he’s struggling with getting shit done.  It’s not just at school, some nights it takes him hours to do 10 minutes of homework.  He is so easily distracted and it drives me nuts (and apparently his teacher too!!).  So we’ve been working with him on this, but the more I think about it the more I wonder if we’re not looking at a future ADHD diagnosis for him.   And we also have Ryan’s recent school issues that I posted about the other day.

It’s March, which is super close to April, which is always a touchy month for me.  I used to not realize what put me into a funky mood, but at least now after all these years I know it’s because of Raime and Connor’s birth/death days.  Usually the build up is the worst part, and I tend to snap out of it for Lili’s birthday.  It’s been long enough for me to know to brace myself, but I still have the random sad days.

All of these worries are taking a backseat right now to retinoblastoma.  I swear, I thought we’d be done dealing with this by now. At least, I’d really hoped we would be!  The last time Ryan went in, the doctor had trouble seeing in his bad eye because of blood.  I guess as the eye heals from the tumors, the vessels sometimes leak.  He’d graduated to being awake during the exams, but they decided to have him go back to the EUA to get a better look.  That’s where he went today.

The EUA really provided no answers, other than yep, his eye is filled with blood.  They can’t tell if there are any active tumors or seeding, so he needs to go back and have an MRI.  That will probably happen next week, and from there they will recommend either a surgery to get rid of the blood which is apparently very intensive, and may require more chemo if they do find anything in the eye, or enucleation. 

The thought of enucleation and dealing with a prosthetic eye freaks me out.


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    My daughter is ADHD. She usually can’t leave people alone – bugging them, poking at them. She also is really emotional. Meds are so wonderful and helpful.