It Never Ends…

I posted about this earlier in the week on Facebook, but here’s a recap for those not there-

Ryan’s final pathology results came in from when they removed his eye and there were some retinoblastoma cells in some nerve (not the optic). They are having him go back on Friday morning for more testing (lumbar puncture, bone marrow) to determine whether he needs more chemo. His doctor says it’s preventative, to make sure it’s not anywhere else in his body. But it’s fucking scary. I really had hoped we were done with this by taking the eye, and just want it to be over and my kid to be healthy. It’s not fair that he’s been fighting this for his entire 8 years.

So today was the day- he went in for some testing and this kid… I can’t even with him.  Ryan is perpetually happy. When we asked him what happened at his appointment, he talks about the toys in the playroom and how nice everyone is. He says he likes to have surgery because he gets snacks afterwards.  He didn’t cry when they put in an IV, took blood, etc.  He just takes it like a champ. 

I know I keep saying this but I really thought it would be over now.  I thought enucleating the eye was the final step, and our biggest worry would be whether or not his prosthetic eye looked realistic enough and matched his other eye completely.  I am just so sad and ANGRY that this is his life.

He goes back on Tuesday for even more testing.  MRIs, CT scans, etc.  We should have some results from today’s tests then as well.  Right now, best case scenario he receives another six months of chemo for the concerning cells they found in the eye they removed.  If they find something during all these tests, it may have to be increased based on what they find and where.  Dosage, duration, both?  We have no idea.

How does this not hurt?!


  1. 1
    Beth Buning says:

    Praying for good news. What a kid! I can see why you are angry.

  2. 2

    THis is terrible. I’m sorry he has to go through yet more chemo and tests and hospital visits and misery. My heart is with you all.
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