This Sucks

Sometimes, I’d think of my blog and feel all wistful, remembering the days of writing daily and having so much to say.  I have thought about coming back but for the most part, with the kids being older it’s so hard to get cute pictures like when they were babies.  We’re always doing something, the house is always a chaotic mess, and you’d think after all these years of parenting and housekeeping I’d have my shit together but I don’t, and that’s embarrassing sometimes. I’d resigned myself to becoming the once in a blue moon blogger, and I was OK with that.  I knew I never wanted to give up the blog, because of the massive amount of memories it holds, but I didn’t feel like it needed to be a daily thing.

And now of course the shit is hitting the fan with Ryan again and I need an outlet.

He went back to finish up his testing and they had him do some things we don’t think were previously scheduled- like a super in depth bone scan and xrays.  I’ve been staying home with Bacon, and Aaron’s been bringing him in, so of course I spend the days on google scaring the crap out of myself.  He only saw nurses and technicians so we don’t have any answers but there was a clear oval mass on his femur and they were concentrating a lot of imaging around that.  According to Dr. Google- osteosarcoma.

I’d come across that name- osteosarcoma- when I was researching what they were looking for with the tests they were running on Ryan earlier in the week.  When you look up what the potential secondary cancers to retinoblastoma are, it comes up as the first one.  Good times.

Of course now I’ve been reading about treatments, prognosis, and all that other depressing stuff, and I can’t sleep.  We don’t even know if that’s what he has, since we haven’t spoken to a doctor yet- but I also knew it was retinoblastoma from Dr. Google before getting those results.

Tomorrow (er today) he goes in to a different doctor, this one is through the school and it’s an appointment we made for him at the end of the school year last year.  It’s an evaluation for a grant/program thing (honestly the details have totally slipped my mind) for visual aids to use at home for homework and stuff.  At school he uses this $3000 piece of equipment and I’d LOVE for him to have one at home- I think it would help tremendously as the years go by and the homework reading piles up- but I doubt they’ll cover that.  We’ll probably be handed a magnifying glass.

I also figure we’ll hear from the other doctor about the scans at some point.


  1. 1
    Beth Buning says:

    Oh Jayme, I hope Dr Google is totally wrong on this one. I hope they fill you in soon, waiting is torture.

  2. 2
    Kristal Douglas says:

    Im sorry Jayme, didnt realize you were going through all this:( Love you ((( hugs)))) and he will pull through.

  3. 3

    You have a lot of people praying for Ryan and your family

  4. 4

    Oh gosh, this is scary to read! Praying for you and Ryan!