Aaron tried to drive the girls to school today, because of the rain- but they insisted on riding their bikes.  I’m sure they arrived all soaked.  If I had been the one getting them to school, would have made them go in the car.  I probably would have stepped in and had Aaron drive them a few years ago too… but I think I’ve gotten better about letting go and not being in charge of every little aspect of parenting.

I know I have lightened up about other things as well- I used to be really uptight about what the kids wore when they left the house.  I would find myself having them change if they or Aaron dressed them in something that didn’t match.  And when the girls were younger, I always had their hair done up neatly with bows.  But the girls are older now with their own opinions of fashion.  And mismatched clothing isn’t going to hurt anything, except maybe my tongue from me biting it.

It’s so hard to let someone else be in control sometimes.  Aaron is an amazing father, and I needed to let him parent our kids without me parenting on top of him.  I think it’s pretty common though, for mothers to do that with their husbands.  I’m pretty sure most of us don’t even realize we’re doing it.  The only reason I made the conscious decision to step back was because of a book I read a few years back.  I wish I could remember the name… but basically it was from the husband’s point of view and I totally saw myself in his obnoxiously annoying nagging wife.  I didn’t want Aaron to become resentful of me like the guy in the book had become towards his wife.

The biggest area where I’ve relinquished control is Ryan’s medical care.  Aaron has brought Ryan to the vast majority of his appointments and procedures since his cancer diagnosis.  I realized that by letting go and letting him be in charge, I’ve eliminated a lot of my stress.  Aaron handles stuff like that way better than I do as well.

Recently friends and I were talking about how our spouses would do if something happened to us and they had to be in charge of the kids and the house.  Almost every single one of my friends said that their husbands couldn’t do it- that they don’t know enough about the kids schedules and routines to be left on their own.  Some even said that they would not be able to leave their kids with their dads for a week as I did when I went to NY to be with my mom when she needed me.  They said that even if they had the week off of work, they would still have to get extra help.

Do you notice this among you and your friends too- the mom taking control in the parenting and kind of overruling the dad?