Baby Baby Baby Oh

13 Nov posted by

So the Duggar’s are having baby #20.  I’m sure most of you have heard the news- it’s sparked lots of debates.  I’d like to share my opinions on  one of them- as it was the same decision I have made- having another child after early onset preeclampsia.

It’s risky.  When preeclampsia  hits in the second trimester as it did when I was pregnant with Raime in 2001, the chance of it recurring is pretty much guaranteed.  The question is when- will it be early again, or will it wait until the end of pregnancy where it’s much safer to deliver a baby?  And there’s always the risk of post-partum preeclampsia, where it hits after the baby is born.  Since the ‘cure’ for preeclampsia is delivery, that one is the most scary to me.

At 22 weeks pregnant, my blood pressure was in the stroke zone.  My liver and kidneys were shutting down. Bottom line, if I didn’t deliver, I would die.  However, by delivering my baby, I was killing her- see she wasn’t big enough to survive outside of the womb yet.

It was a horrible thing to go through.  I started to say it was a horrible decision to make, but it really wasn’t a decision.  Either the baby dies, or we both die.  I had three other kids, a husband, and while the thought of going on after losing a child was terrifying, the idea of not being around to watch my other kids grow up was worse.

So back to the Duggars.  People are saying she’s selfish for getting pregnant again, after delivering Josie at 25 weeks, and all of the medical issues that accompany a micropreemie.  I’m sure some thought the same about me when I got pregnant with Lili just a few months after losing Raime.

But what if Josie and Raime were our first babies- put aside the argument of how many kids are enough for a family.  While there is no cure for preeclampsia, there are some steps you can take to try to prevent or delay it from occurring.  And sometimes just delaying it by a week or two can make the difference between a baby that has a chance at survival or not.

When I was pregnant with Lili, I had total faith in my doctors.  I knew they were watching me carefully and would do everything in their power to keep my baby and me healthy.  I also knew that I would never be allowed to get as sick as I was with Raime again- there would be interventions well before that stage.

Yes, there was no guarantee I’d even be pregnant long enough to bring a baby into the world who had a fighting chance, BUT it was worth the risk to me.  I wanted another child so much that the fear of losing another wasn’t enough to deter me.  And the fact that I went on to go into labor without being induced and deliver Lili without preeclampsia at 35 weeks shows that you can successfully have a baby after having early onset preeclampsia.

I get that having 20 kids isn’t for everyone.  I can understand the debates about if each kid gets enough quality time with the parents, the cost of raising such a huge family, and other topics.  But I guess all the people criticizing Michelle Duggar for getting pregnant again simply because her last pregnancy ended in the second trimester because of preeclampsia has struck a nerve with me.


12 Comments
Filed Under: in the news, preeclampsia

TGIF!

26 Feb posted by

What a week! It ended up going by fast, with the whole baby in the hospital thing. Ryan had a follow up visit today and is on the road to recovery, yay! I hope we can get through the rest of the winter without him getting sick again.

I am currently on season 5 of Lost. Soon I’ll be caught up with the rest of the world, and know what’s going on. Why haven’t I been watching this all along? What other good shows am I inadvertently avoiding?

Speaking of TV, Dylan REALLY likes watching it. If it’s on, he’s enthralled. He’ll sit and smile and clap, babbling to whatever is on the screen. It’s cute. Probably not a good idea to be creating a couch potato though…

In the news, Boner is dead, and a killer whale killed someone. It’s always so happy isn’t it? Oh and I read somewhere that some scientist specialist dude is saying that the whale’s attack was premeditated. Not sure what I think about that.

So does anyone have any fun plans this weekend?

3 Comments
Filed Under: in the news, TV

The Superbowl Anti-Abortion Ad.

8 Feb posted by

I know a couple other bloggers that I read regularly have already posted on this topic, but I decided I wanted see if perhaps I could reach a few more people that don’t read those blogs. The beliefs of these women vary from one end of the spectrum from the other- from being pro-life to pro-choice. But they all agree on one thing- the commercial’s message sucked.

The story behind the ad is that Pam Tebow wasn’t supposed to have her son, for several reasons. In a coma for amoebic dysentery right before the pregnancy, she was given some serious meds that weren’t compatible with carrying a baby to recover. They recommended abortion, because surely the baby would have crazy stuff wrong with it. Later on, her placenta partially abrupted and again abortion was recommended. But she was pro-life, and had faith in God that her baby would be ok, and he was.

There’s a community here online, full of women who’ve lost babies they so desperately wanted. As a card carrying member of this deadbaby club for almost nine years now, I have heard hundreds of stories of loss. There are mothers out there, so religious, so faithful to their God- who have had placental abruptions and ended up losing their babies. Some have even lost their own lives. I doubt these ladies didn’t have enough faith. But they don’t get to tell their stories like Pam Tebow on national TV- you know, because they’re DEAD.

I am all for having faith, and believing everything will be ok- but you have to draw the line somewhere. And it’s a personal decision. Choosing to end a much wanted pregnancy that is threatening the mother’s life is not an easy thing to do. But according to Pam Tebow, and the whole Focus on Family campaign, you’re wrong for doing so. But I disagree. Was I not focusing on my family when I chose to induce my labor at 23 weeks with Raime? If I hadn’t and died, I’d have left the three children I’d already given birth to without a mother.

A little back story for those who don’t know- in 2001 I was pregnant with my fourth baby, a little girl that we named Raime. At 22 weeks, I went in for a routine ultrasound and it was discovered that she’d pretty much stopped growing a few weeks prior. She was still alive, but my life was hanging in the balance. I’d developed preeclampsia. My blood pressure was in the stroke zone and my liver and kidneys were shutting down. I was eventually diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome, and the only cure is delivery.

I spent a week in the hospital where they tried everything to prolong my pregnancy, but I was very sick. My platelets had dropped and surgical delivery wasn’t an option. They weren’t sure if I’d regain function of my kidneys, or if I’d need dialysis. I had to have the baby if I wanted to live, but that meant she would not. Since she’d stopped growing, she was small for her gestational age, too small to intubate. Pushing her out was the hardest thing I have ever done, knowing that I was giving her a death sentence to save my life.

Now, according to Focus on Family and Pam Tebow, I should have just had faith. If I only had faith, and stayed pregnant, everything would have worked out. That would have been nice, but we’d both be dead then, not just Raime. The last thing I wanted to do was give birth 17 weeks too soon, but really, I had to. I had a husband and three little boys to live for, and by staying pregnant, I would not have lived, no matter how much faith I had.

I agree that there are times where miracles occur, where the medical professionals are incorrect. There are situations where the doctors tell you there’s no hope, only to be proven wrong. And it’s totally ok to hope and pray for that to happen to you. But you have to draw the line somewhere, especially when more than one life is at stake, like with a pregnant woman. And that’s a blurry line, and a very personal decision- not one some woman on TV is going to make for me.

3 Comments
Filed Under: HELLP, in the news, loss, preeclampsia

Quote

20 Dec posted by

I frequently read the preeclampsia.org forums. When I was pregnant with the twins, I received so much information and great advice there. Today I was reading about Michelle Duggar and her newest baby, Josie- I’d posted earlier about them, when I’d heard the news that her baby was born super early due to preeclampsia.

Anyway, during the discussion about the situation, one poster mentioned how the news articles state that preeclampsia is rare. Another contributor to the forums made a point that really hit the nail on the head:


It’s often reported as rare. My guess is that 5% looks like a small number, until you remember that’s 1 pregnancy in 20.

(Not one *woman* in twenty, but one *pregnancy* in twenty. Most women run the risk of PE multiple times in their lives. Can you imagine, if 1 in every twenty car trips resulted in an accident, someone calling a car accident “rare”?)

Wow. Just wow. Put into that perspective it really blows my mind.

1 Comment
Filed Under: in the news, preeclampsia

In the News…

12 Dec posted by

Another 25 weeker.

Michelle Duggar had her baby- from what I’ve read, at first they thought it was her gallbladder, but her blood pressure kept going up and they ended up diagnosing her with preeclampsia. Something I know way more than I wish I did about. Actually, I suspect it was HELLP.

I don’t care what anyone’s opinions are on her family size. That’s not the point right now. She’s got a baby who was born at 25 weeks. A little 1 lb, 6 ounce baby girl, who is fighting for her life while her mother recovers from an emergency c-section. That family is going to go through all of what we went through with Elora. And I don’t wish that on my worst enemy.

Please don’t take that the wrong way- I don’t wish Elora never happened- I just wish that that things had been different. I wish she came when she was supposed to, and not 15 weeks early. I wish she’d survived instead of dying at almost 9 weeks old. Elora’s early arrival set up a chain of events that has effected all aspects of my life.

Some of those are obvious. If I hadn’t lost her, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant again. Not with Connor, not with the twins. They say everything happens for a reason, and I suppose that could be the reason we lost her- these two baby boys were meant to be a part of our lives. For a long time, I had trouble making peace with her death, but these babies have helped patch some of my broken heart.

The news of the Duggar’s newest baby brings back a flood of memories and emotions. About a year ago, I’d written a post in my grief journal about their family, and how they were so lucky. I am so sad that this happened to them- I am sad when it happens to anyone.

Perhaps some good can come out of this though. I am hopeful that such a premature birth because of preeclampsia to a very recognized person will bring awareness to the general public about the severity of this disease and the effects of it on those babies born way too soon.

2 Comments
Filed Under: Elora, HELLP, in the news, loss, preeclampsia